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"It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway."
- Norman Mailer.
"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
- Patrick Dennis.
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
- Garrison Keilor.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
"The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."
- TS Eliot.
"My reputation grows with every failure."
- George Bernard Shaw.
"Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis in tiny and he cannot spell."
- Erica Jong.
"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy.
"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time."
- Bob Monkhouse.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Mark.
"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note."
- Gore Vidal.
"What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster."
- Isaac Assimov.
"The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns."
- Herman Wouk.
"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
- Henry James.
"Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Vistor Hugo."
- Jean Cocteau.
"Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again."
- Mark Twain (talking about Henry James).
"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?"
- Gore Vidal.
"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
- Jeffrey Robinson.
More Funny Sayings...
"An incinerator is a writer's best friend."
- Thornton Wilder.
"Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
- Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time).
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
- Ambrose Bierce.
"The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business."
- John Steinbeck.
"I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974."
- Jeffrey Bernard.
"Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding."
- James I.
"They told me that Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right."
- Winston Churchill.
"The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead."
- Stephen Leacock.
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
- Dorothy Parker.
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
- Robert Benchley.
Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude
"An author who speaks about their own books is almost as bad as a mother who speaks about her own children."
- Benjamin Disraeli.
"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."
- TS Eliot.
"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner.
"I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading."
- VS Naipaul.
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
- Groucho Marx.
"A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar."
- Arthur Koestler.
Susan Ohanian: Motivational Funny Sayings
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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