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Funny Sayings

"It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway."
- Norman Mailer.

"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
- Patrick Dennis.

"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
- Garrison Keilor.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates.

"The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."
- TS Eliot.

"My reputation grows with every failure."
- George Bernard Shaw.

"Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis in tiny and he cannot spell."
- Erica Jong.

"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy.

"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time."
- Bob Monkhouse.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Mark.

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note."
- Gore Vidal.

"What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster."
- Isaac Assimov.

"The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns."
- Herman Wouk.

"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
- Henry James.

"Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Vistor Hugo."
- Jean Cocteau.

"Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again."
- Mark Twain (talking about Henry James).

"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?"
- Gore Vidal.

"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
- Jeffrey Robinson.
More Funny Sayings...

"An incinerator is a writer's best friend."
- Thornton Wilder.

"Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
- Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time).

"The covers of this book are too far apart."
- Ambrose Bierce.

"The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business."
- John Steinbeck.

"I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974."
- Jeffrey Bernard.

"Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding."
- James I.

"They told me that Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right."
- Winston Churchill.

"The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead."
- Stephen Leacock.

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
- Dorothy Parker.

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
- Robert Benchley.

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

"An author who speaks about their own books is almost as bad as a mother who speaks about her own children."
- Benjamin Disraeli.

"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."
- TS Eliot.

"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner.

"I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading."
- VS Naipaul.

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
- Groucho Marx.

"A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar."
- Arthur Koestler.
Susan Ohanian: Motivational Funny Sayings

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Funny Sayings on this site are the property of their respective creators and we don't claim any copyright for them. We've made efforts to use the quotes correctly, and under the guises of public domain/fair use. If you know of any funny sayings on our cards that are in breach of copyright, please email us and tell us why, then we will remove them.

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