b Funny Birthdays Cards, Birthday Invitations, Party Invitations - Made by Banana Tree Cards

   - Funny
   - Inspirational
   - Friends & Family
   - Artistic
Party Invitations
   - Friendship
   - Funny Sayings
      - Funny Sayings 1
      - Funny Sayings 2
      - Funny Sayings 3
      - Funny Sayings 4
      - Funny Sayings 5
      - Funny Sayings 6
      - Funny Sayings 7
      - Funny Sayings 8
      - Funny Sayings 8
      - Funny Sayings 10
      - Funny Sayings 11
      - Funny Sayings 12
      - Funny Sayings 13
      - Funny Sayings 14
      - Funny Sayings 15
      - Funny Sayings 16
      - Funny Sayings 17
      - Funny Sayings 18
      - Funny Sayings 19
   - Love

Funny Sayings

"Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction."
- Adlai Stevenson.

"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."
- Oscar Wilde.

"Nothing induces me to read a novel except when I have to make money by writing about it. I detest them."
- Virginia Woolf.

"I never read the life of any important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or do in half a dozen lifetimes."
- JB Priestley.

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
- Oliver Herford.

"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa.

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."
- Ed Gardner.

"I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in."
- Mick Miller.

"I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs."
- Kevin Gildea.

"People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it."
- Noel Coward.

"Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?"
- Denis Leary.

"Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian."
- H.L. Mencken.

"I hate music, especially when it's played."
- Jimmy Durante.

"All music if folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song."
- Louis Armstrong.
More Funny Sayings...

"Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20."
- David Randolph.

"Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour."
- Gioacchino Rossini.

"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!"
- Thomas Beecham.

"Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique."
- Peter Ustinov.

"The concert is a polite form of self induced torture."
- Henry Miller.

"My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance."
- Denis Leary.

"Once you're dead you're made for life."
- Jimi Hendrix.

"Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad."
- Truman Capote.

"All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff."
- rank Zappa.

"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke."
- Spike Milligan.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why are there interstates in Hawaii? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM? Why donít sheep shrink when it rains?
- Unknown

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
- Bob Monkhouse

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
- Bob Monkhouse

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
- Douglas Adams

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- W.C. Fields

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W.C. Fields

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- Somerset Maugham Arthur Koestler: Motivational Funny Sayings If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.

More Funny Sayings on this site are the property of their respective creators and we don't claim any copyright for them. We've made efforts to use the quotes correctly, and under the guises of public domain/fair use. If you know of any funny sayings on our cards that are in breach of copyright, please email us and tell us why, then we will remove them.

Cards | Party Invitations | Cards of the Week | Links | Contact