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Funny Sayings



"The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive."
- Kenneth Williams

"The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy".
- Helen Hayes (at 73)

"TV has brought murder back into the home where it belongs."
- Alfred Hitchcock

"TV is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms."
- Alan Coren

"Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something."
- Plato

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value."
- Albert Einstein

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood".
- Oscar Wilde

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend".
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".
- Gandhi

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
- Tommy Lasorda

"Every relationship I've been in, I've overwhelmed the girl. They just can't handle all the love. " .
- Justin Timberlake

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows".
- Helen Keller

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
- Wayne Gretzky

"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got".
- Garth Brooks

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music".
- George Carlin
More Funny Sayings...

"For those who understand no explanation is needed, ...For those who don't none will do".
- Jerry Lewis

"Don't be so humble, you're not that great".
- Golda Meir

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house".
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Ya gots to work with what you gots to work with".
- Stevie Wonder

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd

"People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000."
- Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990

"I'm the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be!."
- Bret Hart

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
- Jim Wohford

"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."
- after being told he looked cool (Yogi Berra).

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

"I've just got to maintain my passion for what I do."
- Leonardo Dicaprio

"I'd love to be a pop idol. Of course, my groupies are now between 40 and 50."
- Kevin Bacon

"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything, even if you have no clue what you're doing."
- Jessica Alba

"It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth are rotting when I listen to the radio."
- Bono (of U2)

"Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie."
- Sandra Bullock

"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever."
- Jim Carrey

"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."
- Jim Carrey

"I like the job. That's what I'll miss the most... I'm not sure anybody ever liked this as much as I've liked it."
- Bill Clinton

"Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties."
- George Clooney

"I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel."
- P-Diddy

Theodore Roosevelt: Motivational Funny Sayings
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. Unknown Author: Motivational Funny Sayings If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

The Funny Sayings on this site are the property of their respective creators and we don't claim any copyright for them. We've made efforts to use the quotes correctly, and under the guises of public domain/fair use. If you know of any funny sayings on our cards that are in breach of copyright, please email us and tell us why, then we will remove them.

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