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Funny Sayings



Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. -John Lennon

If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG. -Jack Nicholson I believe in the brotherhood of man, all men, but I don't believe in brotherhood with anybody who doesn't want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to treat somebody right who doesn't know how to return the treatment. -Malcolm X This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
- Al Capone

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.
- George Burns at age 90

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
- Elizabeth Taylor

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper that did his job well.
- Martin Luther King

I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me, it's not nice.
- Michael Jackson

Give me a museum and I'll fill it. -Pablo Picasso

But I refuse to believe that I am a better actor than myself.
- Jim Carrey

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

If you're going through hell, keep going. -Walt Disney

Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning. -Samuel Jackson Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the Best.
- Frank Zappa

The attraction of being wild is living on the edge, living up to the reputations of the people you've been following or emulating. People are always talking about how wild and exciting they were, but the key word is 'were', because there's a long list of dead, famous people.
- Christian Slater

You can see our respect for women by the fact that we have pledged to pay working women, even though they don't have to work.
- Taliban Information Minister Amir Kan Muttaqi

I wanted revenge; I wanted to dance on the graves of a few people who made me unhappy. It's a pretty infantile way to go through life - I'll show them - but I've done it, and I've got more than I ever dreamed of.
- Anthony Hopkins
More Funny Sayings...

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
- Robin Williams

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
- Al Capone

It's better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep. -Benito Mussollini A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want.
- Madonna

I wish people could acheive what they think would bring them happiness in order for them to realize that that's not what happiness really is.
- Alanis Morisette

The key to immortallity, is living a life which is worth to be remembered. Bruce Lee I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
- Rebecca West

What luck for rulers that men do not think.
- Adolf Hitler

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul.
- Marilyn Monroe

Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice; I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots.
- Tupac Shakur

I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see.
- Jimi Hendrix

One man with courage is a majority.
- Thomas Jefferson

No one knows my ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time. -John Steinbeck

I'm still the little southern girl from the wrong side of the tracks who really didn't feel like she belonged. -Faye Dunaway.

I am just too much.
- Bette Davis

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali

I never set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you know, important. Like a league game or something. -Dick Butkus

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
- Jessica Rabit (Who framed Roger Rabbit)

I say I'm Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all wrapped up into one. If I die early ... I'll be just like those guys.
-Dennis Rodman.

I'm not smart enough to lie.
- Ronald Reagan

I am not in the closet. I am not coming out of the closet. I am not gay.
- Oprah Winfrey

I don't want people to know what I'm actually like. It's not good for an actor.
- Jack Nicholson, 1993

The Funny Sayings on this site are the property of their respective creators and we don't claim any copyright for them. We've made efforts to use the quotes correctly, and under the guises of public domain/fair use. If you know of any funny sayings on our cards that are in breach of copyright, please email us and tell us why, then we will remove them.

R. E. Shay: Luck Quotes Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. Laurence J. Peter: Luck Quotes Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

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