Home
Cards
   - Funny
   - Inspirational
   - Friends & Family
   - Artistic
Party Invitations
Quotes
   - Friendship
   - Funny Sayings
      - Funny Sayings 1
      - Funny Sayings 2
      - Funny Sayings 3
      - Funny Sayings 4
      - Funny Sayings 5
      - Funny Sayings 6
      - Funny Sayings 7
      - Funny Sayings 8
      - Funny Sayings 8
      - Funny Sayings 10
      - Funny Sayings 11
      - Funny Sayings 12
      - Funny Sayings 13
      - Funny Sayings 14
      - Funny Sayings 15
      - Funny Sayings 16
      - Funny Sayings 17
      - Funny Sayings 18
      - Funny Sayings 19
   - Love
Contact

Funny Sayings



"Assassins!"
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra

"I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is."
- Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems."
- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode"

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns (1896-1996)

"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)

"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."
- Edsgar Dijkstra

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
- Bjarne Stroustrup

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

"Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
More Funny Sayings...

"But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
- unknown

One man with courage is a majority.
- Thomas Jefferson

No one knows my ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time.
- John Steinbeck

I'm still the little southern girl from the wrong side of the tracks who really didn't feel like she belonged.
- Faye Dunaway.

I am just too much.
- Bette Davis

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali

I never set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you know, important. Like a league game or something.
- Dick Butkus

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
- Jessica Rabit (Who framed Roger Rabbit)

I say I'm Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all wrapped up into one. If I die early ... I'll be just like those guys.
- Dennis Rodman.
More Funny Sayings...

I'm not smart enough to lie.
- Ronald Reagan

I am not in the closet. I am not coming out of the closet. I am not gay.
- Oprah Winfrey

I don't want people to know what I'm actually like. It's not good for an actor.
- Jack Nicholson, 1993

If people screw me, I screw back in spades.
- Donald Trump

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth. -John Lennon

Feminism is just a way for ugly women to get into the mainstream of America.
- Rush Limbaugh

I love New York City; I've got a gun.
- Charles Barkley

I dress for women, and undress for men.
- Angie Dickinson

The Funny Sayings on this site are the property of their respective creators and we don't claim any copyright for them. We've made efforts to use the quotes correctly, and under the guises of public domain/fair use. If you know of any funny sayings on our cards that are in breach of copyright, please email us and tell us why, then we will remove them.

Ellen Degeneres: Inspirational Weight Loss Quotes You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Benjamin Franklin: Inspirational Weight Loss Quotes You may delay, but time will not.

Cards | Party Invitations | Cards of the Week | Links | Contact